Just a Book

This post is going to be a little different than the others. This post is about one book...just one book: The Fault In Our Stars, you've probably heard of it, I'm guessing since your on a blog that focuses on reading and writing, haha.

First, I love John Green...who doesn't? He has this way of taking thoughts and feelings you had as a teenager--the thoughts and feelings you had going through your mind during those first time experiences--and morphing them into actual words. When you read his work it's almost scary. Like, he somehow saw into your mind.

Right?!

For my birthday in 2012, one of my best friends got me the book. As you know, when you unwrap a book, it's like the best feeling in the world. I saw John Green on the cover, I saw the cute clouds, and the pretty blue and I hugged the book. I loved it. I didn't care what it was about. It was from John Green and it was a book. That's all that mattered.

The next day, I was lounging on the couch, and my husband was mowing the lawn. I carefully opened the book, I smelled it, then I began reading.

And then I slammed the book shut.

Cancer.

My husband's aunt was battling cancer, and she was young, and she was losing. It was the first time I was truly introduced to the disease. Of course, I had heard of it, but never had it happen to me or mine. Not only that but Hazel (the main character of the book) tells her story in first person, which really draws you in, as if you are her going through the things she's going through. And as I said before John Green has a way of making your own thoughts appear in the book, making you feel like you're that person.

Not to mention, I'm also a hypochondriac and suffer from anxiety. From reading the first ten pages, I already felt an attack coming on.

I couldn't read the book.

I let my best friend know and she understood. She said, "It's okay. But you should really read it. It's a great book."

I said, "I know," I knew it was a great book.

I let my other best friend borrow it and she read it and every time all three of us got together, they would talk about it. I told them it was okay if they said spoilers in front of me--I never planned to read the book.

So, I know what happens. I know about the book and author Hazel loves, I know about the Anne Frank house, I know about the fake leg and eye, the infinities in infinities, the death.

I've tried to read the book three more times and still can't, I'm not sure I ever will be able to. The thing is, I hate sadness, and I hate crying and that book is the epitome of those things.

The reason why I wrote this in my blog is because I feel guilty. As an avid reader and an aspiring writer, I feel almost like a traitor--especially to one of my favorite authors. I feel like as his fan, I owe it to him to read his well accomplished book. But, I can't and it's just my own problem.

I'm happy the movie was popular, and like all books-to-movies, I urge you to read the book! For John Green...and for me.