Self publish vs. agent

Back in 2014, I sent out...mmmm (too lazy to check my sent box) about 100 queries. I got a few bites. Two partials. One full. All rejections. 

Since then, I've gone back to school and have had co-workers, friends, colleagues, and even professors edit/help me revise my book. I know now, it's as strong as it's going to be. Sure, I've written other things, but I can't move on. I love this book and these characters SO much that I can't leave it alone. I won't. So, here it is 2018, and I sent out queries again. 

A whole whopping 18 queries. 

Something has changed.

Before, I was practically desperate. I queried EVERYONE. Literally. But now, I'm more choosy. I judge the tone of the agent's bios. I don't think I'd like to work with them. Eventually, my list dwindled and dwindled. Granted, I haven't gone through the whole list. (Only querying 18 out of 100 would be too extreme. Too picky, right?) 

But I'm having a hard time. Rejections are hard. Reading about an agent--liking them as much as you can like another person through the internet--and having them reject you is hard. What's even harder? Receiving a personal rejection. Yep, just got one of those the other day. It was so nice. SO nice and genuine. But it hurt. 

I used to think self publishing was giving up. (I know, I was kind of an asshole.) But the more and more I think about it, the more I want it. Is that bad? Is it bad to quit querying and decide to self publish? 

The book market is tough, and I never see agents or publishers actively looking for my genre. (YA urban fantasy) Oh--and it has vampires and werewolves--which agents HATE right now. But, I love them, and there's people out there that still love them and you know where they are finding those books? Amazon.

I'm not going to put my book on amazon tomorrow, but I am going to start doing research and I think eventually, I will go that route. 

I'm excited. 

My blog is lost in the sea of unrecognized blogs, but if you're here, leave me a comment. When did you decide to self publish?